​Sham-Rock On Lyrics

I'm Always Wrong Lyrics - Funny Irish Marriage Song, 

I said the sky was blue, she said it's more of a gray 
I said it's Tuesday morning, she said no it's Wednesday 
I checked me phone to prove it, turned out she was right 
I'm always wrong in every single fight I'm always wrong,
 
no matter what I say I'm always wrong every blessed day 
If I say black she'll say it's white, 
I'm always wrong even when I'm right
I bought her flowers last Sunday, 

thought I'd done something nice She said 
"These are the wrong kind, I've told you twice" 
I said "But they're your favorite," 
she gave me the stare Turns out her favorite changed
 
and I wasn't aware I'm always wrong, can't win this game 
I'm always wrong, driving me insane I try my best 
to remember each detail, I'm always wrong, 
I'm destined to fail

Oh 20 years of marriage, I should know by now 
That whatever I suggest she'll tell me how 
I've learned to just agree and nod me head 
'Cause I'm always wrong in everything I've said

I said we should turn left, she said no turn right
 I turn left anyway, we drove around all night She said
 "I told you so" at least a hundred times I'm always wrong,
 
it should be a crime I'm always wrong about the smallest things 
I'm always wrong, no matter what I bring I load the dishwasher, 
she loads it again, I'm always wrong, I'll never win
But here's the secret that I've learned through the years 

Happy wife means happy life, that much is clear 
So I just smile and say "Yes dear, you're absolutely right" 

I'm always wrong, but I sleep well at night I'm always wrong, 
every married man knows I'm always wrong, that's 
just how it goes From the day that we wed till we're old and gray 
I'm always wrong in every single way
I'm always wrong but I love her still I'm always wrong and I always will

The guitar chords
[G]I said the sky was blue, she said it's more of a gray 
I said it's Tuesday [Em]morning, she said no it's Wednes[D]day 
I [G]checked me phone to prove it, turned [C]out she was right 
I'm [D]always wrong in every single [G]fight 

[G]I'm always wrong, 
no [C]matter what I [G]say I'm always wrong every [Am]blessed [D]day 
If I say [G]black she'll say it's [C]white, 
I'm always [G]wrong even [D]when I'm [G]right

[G]I bought her flowers last Sunday, 
thought [C]I'd done something [G]nice She said 
"These are the [Em]wrong kind, I've told you [D]twice" 
I [G]said "But they're your favorite," 
she [C]gave me the [G]stare Turns out her favorite [Em]changed 
and I [D]wasn't a[G]ware 

I'm always [G]wrong, can't win this [C]game 
I'm always [G]wrong, driving [V]me in[D]sane I try my [G]best 
to remember each de[C]tail, I'm always [G]wrong, 
I'm [D]destined to [G]fail

Oh [Bm]20 years of marriage, I should [C]know by[G] now 
That [Bm]whatever I suggest she'll [Am]tell me [D]how 
I've [Bm]learned to just agree and [C]nod me [G]head 
'Cause I'm [Am]always wrong in [C]everything I've [D]said

I [G]said we should turn left, she [C]said no turn [D]right
 I turn left any[G]way, we drove around [D]all night She [G]said
 "I told you [C]so" at least a hundred[G] times I'm always [C]wrong, 
it should [G]be a crime 

I'm always wrong about the [C]smallest things 
I'm always [G]wrong, no matter [Am]what I [D]bring Iload the [G]dishwasher, 
she loads it a[C]gain, I'm always [G]wrong,[Am] I'll never[G] win

But here's the [Bm]secret that I've learned [C]through the [G]years 
Happy [Bm]wife means happy life, that [Am]much is [D]clear 
So I just [Bm]smile and say "Yes dear, you're [C]absolutely [G]right" 
I'm always [C]wrong, but I sleep well at night
[G] I'm always wrong,[C] 
every married man [G]knows I'm always wrong, [C]that's 
just how it [G]goes From the day that we wed till we're [C]old and gray 
I'm always [G]wrong in every [D]single [G]way
I'm always wrong but I [C]love her still I'm always [G]wrong and I [D]always will

Here are the lyrics for "Never Drinking Again" 

Verse 1
I woke up this morning with me head in a vice
Me mouth tastes like something that died, not nice
I swore to the heavens I'm never drinking again
That's what I said yesterday and the day before then

Chorus
Never drinking again, that's me solemn vow
Never drinking again, I mean it right now
Me liver’s betrayed me, me brain’s in a fog
Never drinking again, I feel worse than a dog

Verse 2
I found me trousers hanging from the neighbor's fence
Me wallet is empty, it don't make no sense
There's a tattoo of a leprechaun on me left arm
Never drinking again, I've caused too much harm

Chorus
Never drinking again, I've learned me lesson well
Never drinking again, I've been through living hell
My phone's got 40 texts I don't remember sending
Never drinking again, this cycle needs ending

Verse 3
Oh, I made this promise last Tuesday at dawn
And Wednesday and Thursday and Friday I sworn
But by Saturday evening I'm back at the bar
Saying "just one pint" then I've taken it too far
Ma called me up and she's not very pleased
Said I sang rebel songs to the parish priest
I don't remember a thing, pass me fourth Jameson shot
Never drinking again... or at least maybe not

Chorus
Never drinking again, that's the lie that I tell
Never drinking again till the church rings its bell
By evening I'll be back with a pint in me hand
Never drinking again, it's a promise I can't stand

Verse 4
Now it's half 6 and I'm feeling all right
Me headache has faded with the coming of night
The lads just texted "you're coming to McBrides?"
Never drinking again... but sure maybe I'll slide

Outro
Never drinking again, most famous last word
Never drinking again, it's completely absurd
We all make the promise when the morning sun breaks
Never drinking again till the evening it takes
Never drinking again, said every Irishman alive
Never drinking again... see you at the pub at five!
​

Here are the lyrics to "Can't Outdrink Granny" by Sham-Rock On, 
Verse 1
My granny's 85 and stands just 4'2
But she can drink any man under the table, it's true
Last Friday at O'Brien's I challenged her to a race
By pint number seven I was flat on me face

Chorus
Can’t outdrink granny, she's a legend in these parts
Can’t outdrink granny, she's been drinking since the start
I am half her age and twice her size
But I don't stand a chance, can’t outdrink granny
She'll drink you into a trance

Verse 2
She ordered up a whiskey, I ordered one as well
She downed it in one gulp, I could barely tell
I'm sweating and I'm swaying after number three
She's ordering another round laughing at me

Chorus
Can’t outdrink granny, she's got iron in her veins
Can’t outdrink granny, never feels a thing, no pains
The barman shakes his head and says "Boy you should have known"
Can’t outdrink granny, she's in a league of her own

Verse 3
Well she's been drinking since before I was born
Through two world wars and many a night storm
She buried three husbands, all of them tried
"Can’t outdrink granny," they all said before they died

Verse 4
My cousin Johnny thought he'd take her on last year
He was a rugby player, he had no fear
By midnight he was crying, calling for his mom
Granny was still standing, drinking like a ram

Chorus
Can’t outdrink granny, she's got hollow legs they say
Can’t outdrink granny, drinks from night to day
She's closing down the pub while we're all passed out cold
Can’t outdrink granny, she's worth her weight in gold

Verse 5
Now she's sitting at the bar with a twinkle in her eye
Challenging the young ones, watching grown men cry
The whole town knows her story, they come from miles around
Can’t outdrink granny, the toughest soul in town

Outro
Can’t outdrink granny, she's a national treasure here
Can’t outdrink granny, 50 years of beer
From Galway Bay to Dublin everyone agrees
Can’t outdrink granny, she'll bring you to your knees
Can’t outdrink granny, raising up her glass
Can’t outdrink granny, she's got far too much class
So here's to all the grannies who can drink us all away
Can’t outdrink granny, hip hip hooray!
Here are the lyrics for "Never Drinking Again" 

Here are the lyrics to "She's the Boss" by Sham-Rock On,

Verse 1
I thought when I got married I'd be the man in charge
But that delusion didn't last, it wasn't very large
She told me where to sit, what to eat and when to speak
She's the boss seven days a week

Chorus
She's the boss, no point in denying
She's the boss, not even trying
I make suggestions but she makes the call
She's the boss, she's got me by the balls

Verse 2
I wanted to watch football but she wanted a show
I opened up me mouth and she gave me that look you know
Now I'm watching cooking programs and I'm taking notes
She's the boss, that's all she wrote

Chorus
She's the boss, controls the remote
She's the boss, I don't get a vote
I tried to argue once but that didn't go well
She's the boss, living in her spell

Verse 3
Oh me mates all laugh and say I've lost me spine
But their wives are just the same, they're all towing the line
We pretend we're tough when we're drinking at the bar
She's the boss, we know who we are

Verse 4
Last week I bought a new shirt without her permission
She returned it the next day, said it wasn't "her vision"
I'm not allowed to buy me own clothes anymore
She's the boss, that's for sure

Chorus
She's the boss, picks out me socks
She's the boss, I'm in the stocks
She tells me when to shower and when to cut me hair
She's the boss, I don't dare

Verse 5
But here's the secret that I'll share with all you lads
A happy boss means happy life, it's not that bad
I'd rather have her running things than deal with all the stress
She's the boss, I must confess

Outro
She's the boss, every married man knows
She's the boss, that's how it goes
From the day we said "I do" till death do us part
She's the boss, she's got me heart
She's the boss, I wouldn't change a thing
She's the boss, let freedom ring
So here's to all the wives who run the household show
She's the boss, and we love her so!

Here are the lyrics to "She Called Me Mother" by Sham-Rock On,
Verse 1
I came home drunk last Friday night at half 3:00 a.m.
Me wife was waiting at the door, I knew I was condemned
She didn't yell or scream at me, just picked up her phone
She called me mother, now I'm in the danger zone

Chorus
She called me mother, worst thing she could do
She called me mother, told her everything too
I'm a grown man with a mortgage and a beard upon me face
She called me mother, absolute disgrace

Verse 2
10 minutes later ma showed up with her wooden spoon in hand
Started lecturing me about responsibility and being a man
Me wife was in the corner with a satisfied little grin
She called me mother, let the punishment begin

Chorus
She called me mother, I'm 42 years old
She called me mother, doing what she's told
Mom made me apologize and clean the entire house
She called me mother, rotted by me spouse

Verse 3
Oh I thought when I got married I escaped me mother's grip
But me wife's got her own speed dial for every single slip
Now there's two women in me life who boss me all around
She called me mother, I'm going down

Verse 4
Last week I bought a motorcycle without asking first
Before I even got it home me wife had done her worst
Ma was at the dealership demanding a refund
She called me mother, I've been stunned

Chorus
She called me mother, formed an alliance strong
She called me mother, I can't do no wrong
They're texting back and forth about me every single day
She called me mother, won't go away

Verse 5
Now every time I step out of line just a little bit
Me wife pulls out her phone and I know this is it
She's got me mother on the group chat with me sisters too
She called me mother, what can I do?

Outro
She called me mother, ultimate betrayal
She called me mother, makes me look so frail
I'm supposed to be the man but I'm controlled by two
She called me mother, boohoo
She called me mother, tag team from hell
She called me mother, under their spell
So here's to all the husbands who live in constant fear
She called me mother, year after year!

Here are the lyrics to "Sweating Pure Guinness" by Sham-Rock On,

Verse 1
I've been drinking every night for the past three weeks straight
Me body's turned to liquid, I've accepted me fate
I went out for a jog this morning, thought I’d get in shape
Sweating pure Guinness, no escape

Chorus
Sweating pure Guinness, dripping from me brow
Sweating pure Guinness, can you smell it now?
Me pores are leaking stout like a broken tap
Sweating pure Guinness, what a sticky mishap

Verse 2
I went to the gym, the trainer looked concerned
Said "Mate, you smell like a brewery," lesson’s been learned
The treadmill underneath me turned a darker shade of brown
Sweating pure Guinness all over the town

Chorus
Sweating pure Guinness, soaking through me shirt
Sweating pure Guinness, leaving marks of dirt
My wife won't let me in the house, says I stink like a bar
Sweating pure Guinness, gone too far

Verse 3
Oh, the doctor took one look at me and shook his weary head
He said "Your blood is 70% Guinness," is what he said
He told me "Cut it back or you'll be sweating it forever"
Sweating pure Guinness, that's quite clever

Verse 4
I tried to hug me mother, but she pushed me away
Said "You're leaving black stains on everything, not okay"
Me dog won't come near me, he can smell it from afar
Sweating pure Guinness, raise the bar

Chorus
Sweating pure Guinness, even in me sleep
Sweating pure Guinness, problems running deep
The sheets are turning black and the pillows stained as well
Pure Guinness, living in this smell

Verse 5
The lads at work are jealous, they think it's quite a feat
That I've achieved this level where I'm literally incomplete
They're trying to catch up, but they got a long way to go
Sweating pure Guinness, stealing the show

Outro
Sweating pure Guinness, it's a badge of pride
Sweating pure Guinness, nothing left to hide
When Ireland's in me veins, it’s bound to come on out
Sweating pure Guinness, that's what I'm about
Sweating pure Guinness, every single day
Sweating pure Guinness, the true Irish way
So here's to all the drinkers who've reached this special place
Sweating pure Guinness all over their face!

Here's the lyrics to "Three Sheets to the Wind" by Sham-Rock On,

Verse 1
I'm three sheets to the wind, can't stand on me own feet
Tried to order chips but I'm talking to the street
I thought the lamp post was me mate, had a conversation deep
I'm three sheets to the wind, time to count some sheep

Chorus
Three sheets to the wind, completely off me face
Three sheets to the wind, lost in time and space
I'm seeing double vision, maybe even triple now
Three sheets to the wind, don't ask me how

Verse 2
I tried to call a taxi but I rang me own
Spent 15 minutes talking to myself all alone
I gave the driver directions to a place that don't exist
I'm three sheets to the wind, completely pissed

Chorus
Three sheets to the wind, walking in zigzags
Three sheets to the wind, wearing mismatched rags
I lost one shoe somewhere between the pub and here
Three sheets to the wind, drowning in the beer

Verse 3
I started the night saying just a pint or two
But now I'm hugging strangers saying "I love you"
I tried to fight a post box 'cause I thought it gave me sauce
Three sheets to the wind, making quite a loss

Verse 4
I walked into a chippy and I ordered 20 pies
Paid with me library card, took me by surprise
They threw me out the door before I could protest
I'm three sheets to the wind, what a mess

Chorus
Three sheets to the wind, dancing by myself
Three sheets to the wind, crying for me help
I'm singing rebel songs to a parking meter pole
Three sheets to the wind, lost all control

Verse 5
I woke up in a garden that I'd never seen before
Wearing traffic cones as shoes and someone else's drawers
Me phone's got 50 pictures that I don't remember taking
I'm three sheets to the wind, every bone is aching

Outro
Three sheets to the wind, that's the state I am in
Three sheets to the wind, where do I begin?
From kissing strangers' dogs to proposing to a tree
Three sheets to the wind, classic Irish spree
Three sheets to the wind, legendary night
Three sheets to the wind, nothing going right
Tomorrow I'll regret it but tonight I'm flying high
Three sheets to the wind, kiss the world goodbye!

Here's  the lyrics to "I Stumbled to the Door" by Sham-Rock On, 

Verse 1
The barman said "It's closing time, you've got to go"
I stood up from me bar stool moving very slow
Me legs had turned to jelly, me vision was a blur
I stumbled to the door, but I hit the coat rack first for sure

Chorus
I stumbled to the door, it took me 20 tries
I stumbled to the door, couldn't trust me eyes
The room was spinning round like a carousel at night
I stumbled to the door, nothing felt quite right

Verse 2
I thought I grabbed me jacket but it was someone else's coat
Apologized to a mannequin, cleared me throat
I walked into the ladies' room, they screamed and I turned red
I stumbled to the door, at least that's what I said

Chorus
I stumbled to the door, taking a scenic route
I stumbled to the door, there was never any doubt
I crashed into some tables and I knocked over some chairs
I stumbled to the door, climbing down the stairs

Verse 3
Oh, the distance from me seat to the exit seems so far
Like crossing all of Ireland just to reach me car
I bounced off every wall like a pinball in a game
I stumbled to the door, bringing meself shame

Verse 4
I tried to leave three times but ended at the bar
The barman said "Wrong way, mate, your car is very far"
I finally found the exit after 45 minutes more
I stumbled to the door, then fell flat on the floor

Chorus
I stumbled to the door, dignity left behind
I stumbled to the door, completely out me mind
The bouncer had to help me find me way outside
I stumbled to the door, no more Irish pride

Verse 5
Now I'm lying on the sidewalk looking at the stars
Me phone is dead, me wallet's gone, can't find me car
Tomorrow I'll wake up and wonder what the hell
I stumble to the door, live to tell the tale

Outro
I stumble to the door, legendary in this town
I stumble to the door, falling up and down
They'll talk about me exit for many years to come
I stumble to the door, acting like a bum
I stumble to the door, what a sight to see
I stumble to the door, that's the Irish in me
Next week I'll do it over, make the same mistakes once more
I stumble to the door... that's what pubs are for!